In the last 50 years we are exposed to space exploration, which is being emphasized in the biggest, strongest and the richest countries. People are trying to increase the knowledge of the(מיותר) humanity about the life out of the earth. Many people think it's a necessary issue (in)which we have to invest many of our resources, and many other people think we should stop the(מיותר) space exploration, or at least slow it down.
On the one hand, space exploration is very important. There are some reasons that making(gr.) space exploration to(מיותר) such(an) important issue. One of them is a little bit spooky- ALIENS(phr.). I've met people who can swear they have seen an UFO. Maybe they (are) right? Explore that subject may help us understand if there are some E.T's out there(phr. - "if there are any new life forms"). One more reason for space exploration is(the) wish to know. People have been born with the desire of knowing(phr. - to know more) more. When you have more knowledge you have more power. With knowing what's going on there(phr.) we can defend ourselves from any danger- What kind of danger are you talking about?.
On the other hand, space exploration is (a)waste of time, money, and many more other resources. Why are we exploring space while our planet isn’t perfect and isn’t even close to being perfect. The money that is wasted can be invested in helping poor people who (are)starving. This money can be invested in stopping global warming. This money can be invested in researches of(ww. - to) find the solution of(ww. - for) Cancer or AIDS.
Scientists say our world is going to explode from the sun in 14 million years, say that our world, and I say people are not going to be in 14 million years(phr. - what are saying here?)- wars, epidemics, poverty or global warming is(gr. - are) going to kill the(מיותר) humanity much faster than 14 million years if we won't do(gr.) something. Think about that - How is related to anything you have written in the previous 3 paragraphs.
Your essay, on the whole, is quite confused and messy. You will have to reorganize it and correct your mistakes to make ti clearer. (75)
Daphna
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
peer pressure
Peer pressure! What is it? Why is it such an important issue? Why do kids and teenagers give in to peer pressure? Well, I would like to tell you about an incident that had happened to me and I would(will) try to answer these questions.
Friday night, I find myself walking to a party in someone's house. I have never seen this guy, but I entered his house. There was a lot of Alcohol. And many of my friends drank. My friends tried to make (me) drink, but I didn’t do that. I have drunk in my life, and it's(gr. - use the past) one of my worst experiences. So I said NO and felt I was doing the right thing.
So what is it(מיותר) peer pressure?-(start a new sentence) peer pressure is when people in(מיותר) your age or level are trying to influence you. This influence may be good or bad. In my age, peer pressure is playing(gr.) an important part in life. It starts in dressing up, through obesity and diets, cutting lessons, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and even using drug(s). Children, teenagers and adults all want to look "good" and be "the man"(phr.).
We all know, even from the first grade, that cigarettes are bad,(Start a new sentence) they are (the) number one cause of lung cancer, but teenagers still destroying(gr.) their lives and smoke this junk. Should I destroy my life and insert (into) my body a killer because my friends say it's cool? The answer is NO.
I hope you to(מיותר) do(ww.) the right decision(This sentence doesn't belong here). to conclude everything I would like to give you some recommendations:(avoid making lists. You can give the same advice in a differe way: "First, if you are popular.....Second, if you think you are......." and so on)
1. If you are popular and people walk after you- use your huge power for doing good thing(s).
2. If you think you are under stress(מיותר) pressure- think about your life and decide what's more important.
3. If you did something that destroying lives(phr. and gr.)- stop, later you'll not be able to do this.
4. Alcohol and drugs are not a solution for many problems- They sell you an illusion and after the effect is over you feel like garbage juice(phr.).
5. I hope you to learn from me to(and) say- No
6. Peer pressure is power- Don't let people use it badly on you!!!
Please reorganize your last paragraph into a regular written paragraph without the list. You make very good points but you need to rewrite them in a different way.
(80)
Daphna.
Friday night, I find myself walking to a party in someone's house. I have never seen this guy, but I entered his house. There was a lot of Alcohol. And many of my friends drank. My friends tried to make (me) drink, but I didn’t do that. I have drunk in my life, and it's(gr. - use the past) one of my worst experiences. So I said NO and felt I was doing the right thing.
So what is it(מיותר) peer pressure?-(start a new sentence) peer pressure is when people in(מיותר) your age or level are trying to influence you. This influence may be good or bad. In my age, peer pressure is playing(gr.) an important part in life. It starts in dressing up, through obesity and diets, cutting lessons, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and even using drug(s). Children, teenagers and adults all want to look "good" and be "the man"(phr.).
We all know, even from the first grade, that cigarettes are bad,(Start a new sentence) they are (the) number one cause of lung cancer, but teenagers still destroying(gr.) their lives and smoke this junk. Should I destroy my life and insert (into) my body a killer because my friends say it's cool? The answer is NO.
I hope you to(מיותר) do(ww.) the right decision(This sentence doesn't belong here). to conclude everything I would like to give you some recommendations:(avoid making lists. You can give the same advice in a differe way: "First, if you are popular.....Second, if you think you are......." and so on)
1. If you are popular and people walk after you- use your huge power for doing good thing(s).
2. If you think you are under stress(מיותר) pressure- think about your life and decide what's more important.
3. If you did something that destroying lives(phr. and gr.)- stop, later you'll not be able to do this.
4. Alcohol and drugs are not a solution for many problems- They sell you an illusion and after the effect is over you feel like garbage juice(phr.).
5. I hope you to learn from me to(and) say- No
6. Peer pressure is power- Don't let people use it badly on you!!!
Please reorganize your last paragraph into a regular written paragraph without the list. You make very good points but you need to rewrite them in a different way.
(80)
Daphna.
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