Students discuss a lot about (the) school uniform. We all know it has some good sides, and some bad sides. (The) School uniform in my school is a T-shirt in any color the student wants. But there are schools in the world, that thier(sp.) uniform is (a) complete set of clothes.
(The) School uniform has some advantages. Students in different economic positions, should wear the same clothes. This equality is making(gr.) students in(ww. - from) low economic position, be proud of wear they ware(phr.), nobody else is wearing(gr.) trademark(ww.) clothes so they don't "have to" do this too. (The) School uniform is also making(gr.) a belonging feeling(wo. - "a feeling of belonging"). If everybody else is like you, you feel(you) belong to the society. Moreover, (the) school uniform is helping(gr.) in the security(phr.). The security guards don't know all (the) school's students, so the uniform is helping(gr.) them to(מיותר) make the decision if someone is a student, or an infiltrator.
However, (the) school uniform has some disadvantages too. People all over the world were born different. (The) School uniform is blotting out(ww. and gr.) this difference. It's making(gr.) people the same. That's making(gr.) a feeling of "I'm one of the rest", like nobody cares about who really are you(wo. - "who you really are"). There is also the point(ww. - issue) of taste. Everybody has taste: taste in food, taste in people and taste in clothes. Sometimes students don't like the look of school uniform, but they have to wear it because that what was written in school laws(phr.). That making(gr.) a person feels(gr.) frustrated.
So, (the) school uniform is great and bad together. It's helping(gr.) one person, but hurting(gr.) the other. Because of that, I think (the) school uniform has to be just like in my school. You have the choice of what you wear except (for) the shirt, and even in(ww.) the shirt you can choose your favorite color.
(65)
Daphna
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Burge McCall was a short and fat man. He was described as a womanizer. He worked as a chief clerk and made a good salary. However ,he was stingy with his wife. Other women had won his money. Mrs. McCall was tall with smooth, black hair. No one knew her first name, Venita. Her neighbors called her Mrs. McCall. She was a quiet, peaceful woman, who didn't pay attention to her husband's behavior.
Burge McCall hated his wife. After two years of rickety marriage Burge McCall slepted his wife. Her reaction changed all tje story. She reacted calmly and just said to her husband "You are a big rat". The following day Burge had heard from the
Burge McCall hated his wife. After two years of rickety marriage Burge McCall slepted his wife. Her reaction changed all tje story. She reacted calmly and just said to her husband "You are a big rat". The following day Burge had heard from the
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Gimme more...
Math, Physics, English, chemistry and literature- they are all subjects I'm learning in(ww. - at) school, but one of them is not related to the others- literature.Why? Because homework in literature are(gr. - is) unnecessary.
In my point of view homework should be given by teachers only if their goal is practicing. If the teacher has taught something in class and she wants the pupils to practice it, she should give homework. But if the teacher wants the pupils to go on with the material, she shouldn't give homework. As a pupil I tell you homework is the worst nightmare of the student. We, the students, prefer the(מיותר) life without homework, life are(gr. - is) easier without any tasks to do.
What do I mean when I am saying(gr. - say) practice? I'll give you some examples. When (the)math teacher teaches new material toward the Bagrut and she want(gr.) us, the pupils, return it(phr. - to go over it) at home and solve more exercises, that's called practice. And when (the) English teacher teaches new material in Grammar and she wants to make sure the student have all understood, she can do it by homework and it's called practice. But when (the) Biology teacher wants the students to summarize about (a) new system in our body, that's not called practicing, and it's(gr. - is) shouldn't be given.
To conclude, I'm calling to the teachers(phr.), Don't give homework if your goal is not practicing. Please think about us before you are giving(gr. - use the present simple) homework and try to understand our situation if we don't do the homework sometimes.
Your essay is good and you do make some good points, but you should work on your conclusion and your opening - they need to be rewritten. (85)
Daphna
In my point of view homework should be given by teachers only if their goal is practicing. If the teacher has taught something in class and she wants the pupils to practice it, she should give homework. But if the teacher wants the pupils to go on with the material, she shouldn't give homework. As a pupil I tell you homework is the worst nightmare of the student. We, the students, prefer the(מיותר) life without homework, life are(gr. - is) easier without any tasks to do.
What do I mean when I am saying(gr. - say) practice? I'll give you some examples. When (the)math teacher teaches new material toward the Bagrut and she want(gr.) us, the pupils, return it(phr. - to go over it) at home and solve more exercises, that's called practice. And when (the) English teacher teaches new material in Grammar and she wants to make sure the student have all understood, she can do it by homework and it's called practice. But when (the) Biology teacher wants the students to summarize about (a) new system in our body, that's not called practicing, and it's(gr. - is) shouldn't be given.
To conclude, I'm calling to the teachers(phr.), Don't give homework if your goal is not practicing. Please think about us before you are giving(gr. - use the present simple) homework and try to understand our situation if we don't do the homework sometimes.
Your essay is good and you do make some good points, but you should work on your conclusion and your opening - they need to be rewritten. (85)
Daphna
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Explorer..
In the last 50 years we are exposed to space exploration, which is being emphasized in the biggest, strongest and the richest countries. People are trying to increase the knowledge of the(מיותר) humanity about the life out of the earth. Many people think it's a necessary issue (in)which we have to invest many of our resources, and many other people think we should stop the(מיותר) space exploration, or at least slow it down.
On the one hand, space exploration is very important. There are some reasons that making(gr.) space exploration to(מיותר) such(an) important issue. One of them is a little bit spooky- ALIENS(phr.). I've met people who can swear they have seen an UFO. Maybe they (are) right? Explore that subject may help us understand if there are some E.T's out there(phr. - "if there are any new life forms"). One more reason for space exploration is(the) wish to know. People have been born with the desire of knowing(phr. - to know more) more. When you have more knowledge you have more power. With knowing what's going on there(phr.) we can defend ourselves from any danger- What kind of danger are you talking about?.
On the other hand, space exploration is (a)waste of time, money, and many more other resources. Why are we exploring space while our planet isn’t perfect and isn’t even close to being perfect. The money that is wasted can be invested in helping poor people who (are)starving. This money can be invested in stopping global warming. This money can be invested in researches of(ww. - to) find the solution of(ww. - for) Cancer or AIDS.
Scientists say our world is going to explode from the sun in 14 million years, say that our world, and I say people are not going to be in 14 million years(phr. - what are saying here?)- wars, epidemics, poverty or global warming is(gr. - are) going to kill the(מיותר) humanity much faster than 14 million years if we won't do(gr.) something. Think about that - How is related to anything you have written in the previous 3 paragraphs.
Your essay, on the whole, is quite confused and messy. You will have to reorganize it and correct your mistakes to make ti clearer. (75)
Daphna
On the one hand, space exploration is very important. There are some reasons that making(gr.) space exploration to(מיותר) such(an) important issue. One of them is a little bit spooky- ALIENS(phr.). I've met people who can swear they have seen an UFO. Maybe they (are) right? Explore that subject may help us understand if there are some E.T's out there(phr. - "if there are any new life forms"). One more reason for space exploration is(the) wish to know. People have been born with the desire of knowing(phr. - to know more) more. When you have more knowledge you have more power. With knowing what's going on there(phr.) we can defend ourselves from any danger- What kind of danger are you talking about?.
On the other hand, space exploration is (a)waste of time, money, and many more other resources. Why are we exploring space while our planet isn’t perfect and isn’t even close to being perfect. The money that is wasted can be invested in helping poor people who (are)starving. This money can be invested in stopping global warming. This money can be invested in researches of(ww. - to) find the solution of(ww. - for) Cancer or AIDS.
Scientists say our world is going to explode from the sun in 14 million years, say that our world, and I say people are not going to be in 14 million years(phr. - what are saying here?)- wars, epidemics, poverty or global warming is(gr. - are) going to kill the(מיותר) humanity much faster than 14 million years if we won't do(gr.) something. Think about that - How is related to anything you have written in the previous 3 paragraphs.
Your essay, on the whole, is quite confused and messy. You will have to reorganize it and correct your mistakes to make ti clearer. (75)
Daphna
Thursday, February 5, 2009
peer pressure
Peer pressure! What is it? Why is it such an important issue? Why do kids and teenagers give in to peer pressure? Well, I would like to tell you about an incident that had happened to me and I would(will) try to answer these questions.
Friday night, I find myself walking to a party in someone's house. I have never seen this guy, but I entered his house. There was a lot of Alcohol. And many of my friends drank. My friends tried to make (me) drink, but I didn’t do that. I have drunk in my life, and it's(gr. - use the past) one of my worst experiences. So I said NO and felt I was doing the right thing.
So what is it(מיותר) peer pressure?-(start a new sentence) peer pressure is when people in(מיותר) your age or level are trying to influence you. This influence may be good or bad. In my age, peer pressure is playing(gr.) an important part in life. It starts in dressing up, through obesity and diets, cutting lessons, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and even using drug(s). Children, teenagers and adults all want to look "good" and be "the man"(phr.).
We all know, even from the first grade, that cigarettes are bad,(Start a new sentence) they are (the) number one cause of lung cancer, but teenagers still destroying(gr.) their lives and smoke this junk. Should I destroy my life and insert (into) my body a killer because my friends say it's cool? The answer is NO.
I hope you to(מיותר) do(ww.) the right decision(This sentence doesn't belong here). to conclude everything I would like to give you some recommendations:(avoid making lists. You can give the same advice in a differe way: "First, if you are popular.....Second, if you think you are......." and so on)
1. If you are popular and people walk after you- use your huge power for doing good thing(s).
2. If you think you are under stress(מיותר) pressure- think about your life and decide what's more important.
3. If you did something that destroying lives(phr. and gr.)- stop, later you'll not be able to do this.
4. Alcohol and drugs are not a solution for many problems- They sell you an illusion and after the effect is over you feel like garbage juice(phr.).
5. I hope you to learn from me to(and) say- No
6. Peer pressure is power- Don't let people use it badly on you!!!
Please reorganize your last paragraph into a regular written paragraph without the list. You make very good points but you need to rewrite them in a different way.
(80)
Daphna.
Friday night, I find myself walking to a party in someone's house. I have never seen this guy, but I entered his house. There was a lot of Alcohol. And many of my friends drank. My friends tried to make (me) drink, but I didn’t do that. I have drunk in my life, and it's(gr. - use the past) one of my worst experiences. So I said NO and felt I was doing the right thing.
So what is it(מיותר) peer pressure?-(start a new sentence) peer pressure is when people in(מיותר) your age or level are trying to influence you. This influence may be good or bad. In my age, peer pressure is playing(gr.) an important part in life. It starts in dressing up, through obesity and diets, cutting lessons, drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes and even using drug(s). Children, teenagers and adults all want to look "good" and be "the man"(phr.).
We all know, even from the first grade, that cigarettes are bad,(Start a new sentence) they are (the) number one cause of lung cancer, but teenagers still destroying(gr.) their lives and smoke this junk. Should I destroy my life and insert (into) my body a killer because my friends say it's cool? The answer is NO.
I hope you to(מיותר) do(ww.) the right decision(This sentence doesn't belong here). to conclude everything I would like to give you some recommendations:(avoid making lists. You can give the same advice in a differe way: "First, if you are popular.....Second, if you think you are......." and so on)
1. If you are popular and people walk after you- use your huge power for doing good thing(s).
2. If you think you are under stress(מיותר) pressure- think about your life and decide what's more important.
3. If you did something that destroying lives(phr. and gr.)- stop, later you'll not be able to do this.
4. Alcohol and drugs are not a solution for many problems- They sell you an illusion and after the effect is over you feel like garbage juice(phr.).
5. I hope you to learn from me to(and) say- No
6. Peer pressure is power- Don't let people use it badly on you!!!
Please reorganize your last paragraph into a regular written paragraph without the list. You make very good points but you need to rewrite them in a different way.
(80)
Daphna.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do...
23/1/09
Dear Janet,
I have heard your problem and I think it's not an easy one, but I do have some solutions for you. As you said, you are a very popular girl, who has a lot of friends, but two of your friends are trying to copy from you. It's making you feel uncomfortable and stressed, and even hurts you and your grades. Now you have a dilemma between(ww. - whether to help....but hurt...") helping them, but hurting yourself, or telling(gr. - tell) them you don't want to let them copy from you and take the risk of being rejected by them.
Look, you mentioned the opportunity of hurting them if you don't help them, and I think this is a wrong thought. If you help them, they will always choose the easy way of cheating and lying. Finally(ww. - Eventually), in their future it will hurt them, so if you let them copy from you, you are not helping them you are hurting them. Moreover, I think you should think about yourself in this whole story, someone who doesn't take(ww.) of himself will not achieve his goals in life.
In addition, you said you had a lot of friends, and as your peer, I know all your friends are important to you, but you have to think:"Is someone who (is) hurting me my friend?". I'm sure your answer is no. So tell them your problem and be sensitive but assertive. If they tell you they don't want to be your friends, let them go and understand they only use(gr. - use the present perfect) you as atool to(ww. - for) their succeed(ww. - success). If they tell you they understand you, I'm happy to tell you: You have two true friends.
Janet, doing the right thing is not always easy, but it's not impossible. I hope you solve the problem and keep the momentum of your success in school.
Ido
Dear Janet,
I have heard your problem and I think it's not an easy one, but I do have some solutions for you. As you said, you are a very popular girl, who has a lot of friends, but two of your friends are trying to copy from you. It's making you feel uncomfortable and stressed, and even hurts you and your grades. Now you have a dilemma between(ww. - whether to help....but hurt...") helping them, but hurting yourself, or telling(gr. - tell) them you don't want to let them copy from you and take the risk of being rejected by them.
Look, you mentioned the opportunity of hurting them if you don't help them, and I think this is a wrong thought. If you help them, they will always choose the easy way of cheating and lying. Finally(ww. - Eventually), in their future it will hurt them, so if you let them copy from you, you are not helping them you are hurting them. Moreover, I think you should think about yourself in this whole story, someone who doesn't take(ww.) of himself will not achieve his goals in life.
In addition, you said you had a lot of friends, and as your peer, I know all your friends are important to you, but you have to think:"Is someone who (is) hurting me my friend?". I'm sure your answer is no. So tell them your problem and be sensitive but assertive. If they tell you they don't want to be your friends, let them go and understand they only use(gr. - use the present perfect) you as atool to(ww. - for) their succeed(ww. - success). If they tell you they understand you, I'm happy to tell you: You have two true friends.
Janet, doing the right thing is not always easy, but it's not impossible. I hope you solve the problem and keep the momentum of your success in school.
Ido
It's better, but you still have a few mistakes. Please correct them as well (87)
Daphna.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
8 years, 2920 days, 70,080 hours, 252,288,000 seconds that the citizens of Sderot live in fear, live in terror. insufferable situation, Ha? Let me ask you something, did you do anything about that? Are you against it? I believe you are not. I suppose that you are in London, Paris, New York, or any other city in the world, living so far away from our reality and still believing that you know everything, but actually you know nothing. Is Israel destroying Gaza, or are they destroying themselves?Is Israel killing their children or are they killing them by their own hands? I want you to look at something before you are making a decision:
Well now you can see how the "holly" Hamas uses his own children as human shields. And please, let me ask you one more question to conclude: Should we let the terror win??
16 years old boy, who lives in Holon in the center os Israel.
Well now you can see how the "holly" Hamas uses his own children as human shields. And please, let me ask you one more question to conclude: Should we let the terror win??
16 years old boy, who lives in Holon in the center os Israel.
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